Wishful Thinking Works: Create the life you really want

This article is adapted from a series of posts by Patrice Koerper in December 2010 @ www.wishfulthinkingworks.com

Success in 2011: OTAT, Pick “One Thing At A Time” to work on.

 

Getting started.

Change in any form can be daunting and all New Year’s Resolutions are about change in one form or another. I believe looking at the process as more than just a list is a great way to get started.

Here’s what I suggest.

Begin by writing down any and all the things you accomplished in 2010.  This will help you build a bit of confidence and get you thinking in the right direction. Make sure to record all your big and little accomplishments – everything counts. 

When you have finished your list, rewrite it. Put the most important feats at the top – these are the ones that you are most proud of no matter how small they may seem to someone else – then create a .doc, add the list to your phone, or email it to yourself so you can review it throughout the year.  

Now think of a way to reward yourself for your efforts, and make sure you follow through on giving yourself the reward.

Next, list all the changes you want to see for yourself in 2011. (I know, I know, I said it is not about a list and I promise, in the end it won’t be.)

Here are some popular New Year’s resolutions to get you started:

• Get in shape, exercise more, and eat healthier.
• Drink less, stop smoking.
• Get a job, out of debt, or organized.
• Save money, start a budget.
• Find a job, man or woman.
• Take or save for a vacation.
• Spend more time with family and friends.
• Enjoy life more, do less, be happier.

 

“Do the thing and you shall have the power.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

 

We all tend to have long lists of ways we want to improve our lives, but I honestly think the best way to improve our lives is to pick one thing, and one thing only at a time to concentrate on. 

I believe picking the ”one thing” that when accomplished will positively impact the most areas of our lives, and then figuring out how we are going to do that, is the way to go. 

This isn’t my big idea; I am stealing it, with permission from life coach and author David Essel.  In his book ”Slow Down: The Fastest Way to Get Everything You Want”, David makes an excellent case for changing the way we look at change.

His bottom-line is to pick one thing, and one thing only that when accomplished would “radically change” our lives.  He calls it his “One Thing Theory.”

So, I am suggesting as a New Year trend we each pick one thing to work on in 2011. Just one. And, I have christened  this new trend, ”One Thing at a Time” or OTAT, which all the cool kids are pronouncing ”oh-tat”.

Background

I realize that OTAT flies in the face of the beloved American habit of multi-tasking and our belief that having it all, all the time is what we should be striving for. But, multitasking has recently been taken to task for not being as efficient an approach as once thought, and I truly believe that believing we can have it all – all the time – undermines our belief in ourselves, and is stressing the heck out of us.

If you need more specific proof that making long lists of resolutions doesn’t work – pull out your list from last year, that is if you can find it, and begin checking off what you have accomplished.  (For those of you who are now yelling – “Hey wait, I did everything on my list!” – Honest and sincere congratulations, you are truly an exception to the rule and should be very proud of your accomplishments. Perhaps the rest of you, might want to keep reading, I know I will.) 

Interested?

So what do you think, are you ready to start a new trend in the New Year? To adopt an OTAT approach? To focus on one thing at a time as you work toward creating the life of your dreams?  If so, I will show you an easy and painless way to pick your one thing - the one wonderful thing that addressing will make your life oh, so much better.

Making OTAT work for you.

Why focus on one and only one thing when there are so many things you want to change in 2011?  

Because selecting one and only one thing dramatically increases your odds of achieving it by providing less wiggle room and more accountability. 

Choosing

So how do you choose one thing when you have at least 2, if not 2000 things you want to change?

Well, here’s what to do – and, as I mentioned, I can’t claim this wonderful approach, the idea is that of  life coach and author David Essel, who has been using it for years to help people change their lives.

Your One Thing

• What you are looking for, is the one thing that when accomplished, will radically change your life.
• Keyword – R  A D I C A L L Y    
• Hint: The “one thing” is usually something you have denied or delayed working on in the past.
• It has to be important to you.

Still here? (Some people bail when faced with the fact that they need to work on something they have ignored in the past, but you didn’t, that’s great. I guarantee the rewards will be worth the effort.)

 

“Be not the slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.” (Emerson)

 

 

Here’s how.

Find some quiet time and place for yourself – you will need about 15 minutes. (Hard to do, yes I know, but please find a way; you are worth it.)

Bring two pieces of 8-1/2 x 11 pieces paper and a pen or pencil with you.  

Take a few deep breaths to clear your head and relax yourself a bit. (You know those deep in-through-the-nose, fill your-lungs-and-stomach kind of deep breaths.) 

Okay, good, now write a vertical list of the following bold words. The order is up to you, and please leave more space between the items than I have:

• Financial (Income, expenses, etc.)
• Career (Education, profession, job satisfaction, etc.)
• Health (Exercise, smoking, eating well, etc.)
• Relationship with others (Love, family time, forgiveness, new friends, etc.)
• Relationship with self (Emotional leftovers, kindness, forgiveness, etc.)
• Spiritual (However you perceive it.)

Now, do the next steps quickly and go with your first thought each time. Don’t censor yourself.

1. Read the list.
2. Flip the paper over.
3. Think about the words you just wrote, and select the first three topics from the list that come to mind.
4. Flip the paper over and circle those three items.
5. Write a few more descriptive words about each of the three items under each item.
6. Flip the paper over again to the blank side, and write one of the three items you just circled.
7. That’s your one thing.
8. Simple, yes. Scientific, maybe not. Honest, pretty much without a doubt.

Congratulations on picking your one thing.  Job well done!

 

“Don’t be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.” (Emerson) 

 

So why did you pick that topic? 

I don’t know. You may know, or like many folks, you may be surprised. (That’s the denial part, I can be big on that.) Either way, take a few minutes to jot down ideas and thoughts about this area of your life. Write anything that comes to mind under this topic. Do not censor your thoughts, write all of them – good, bad, ugly. Then answer these questions:

1. What do you want to accomplish? (That’s your one thing.)
2. Have you tried in the past to accomplish this goal? (How did that feel – the succeeding and not succeeding?  Be honest and let yourself feel those feelings again for a few moments.)
3. How long do you think it will take to accomplish your “one thing”?

Whatever you do, do not go back and pick another topic. (That’s the delaying part.) You picked this ”one thing” for a reason, and either you already know why addressing an issue related to this topic will radically change your life, or you will figure it out after writing and thinking about it. (That’s the brave and bold part.)

Please spend a few more minutes flushing-out your thoughts, and then I will show you how to turn your one thing into your future.

Okay, ready for the next steps?  Here they are:

1. What do you want to accomplish?

Now that you have your one thing, state it as though it has already occurred.  This is called “Creating an intention.” Begin with:

• “I am”  . . .  as in,  ”I am so happy I am a non-smoker”; “I am excited I have a new job”; “I am so excited I registered for the GMAT”; ”I am so pleased to be earning $______ annually”; ”I am glad to be eating healthier” or “I am so happy I decided to ________”. 

Create your intention in the present tense (I am) and make sure it is a positive statement  not a negative one – I am glad I am no longer smoking, drinking, gambling, spending, shopping, etc. etc. And remember, the more descriptive and exciting you make your intention the better. When you read your intention it must ring true to you and make you feel good.

2. Create a gratitude related to your intention.

Now, find a way to be thankful for what you already have related to your intention. 

• If you want a new job, you could be thankful for the one you have, or if you do not have a job, for the one you had before, or the training or education you received in the past – dig deep if you have to, but write at least one gratitude related to your intention. 
• Then savor it. Take a moment to think about it and the good it has brought into your life.

Believe it or not, this step can really flip that switch in your brain and light-up your future by helping you focus on what you have and what’s ahead.

3. Develop an action plan.

You probably figured this was coming . .  . Make it measurable, specific, realistic and detailed.  (You can do it, no doubt in my mind.)

Remember this is about radical change in your life. Change involves action, and action is physical and interlaced, if not dependent, upon deadlines. Create and keep them.

Make sure your action steps are relevant.  Ask yourself how they impact your intention.  If you can’t come up with a good answer, choose different action steps. 

Next, ask yourself,  if the steps are realistic and something you will stick to.  The key to success is being successful.  Huh? What I mean is, if you really want change, select action steps that no matter how small will lead you in the right direction. 

Action itself is so key to the process that the value of small doable steps far outweighs long lists of  lofty, exciting, extremely difficult or unachievable steps. 

Yes, you want to stretch yourself, and yes, your steps should reflect that, but so many of us have an all or none mindset - we do nothing or create grandiose plans, and then throw in the towel the minute the going gets tough, which amounts to well, doing nothing.

Doing nothing is not conducive to change. I don’t recommend it.

Keep asking yourself as you create your plan, ”Is this step relevant and realistic?”  ”Am I stretching myself enough and still leaving room for success?” And, then listen to your answers.  If you have tried working on this intention before and it hasn’t worked, why not?  (Question #2 above.) Figure out how to deal with that in your action steps. 

• Put your responses to these steps in writing and keep them in front of you every day. 
• Find a way to weave them and the changes you are working on into your daily life.
• Give yourself deadlines and timelines. 
• Send yourself messages, emails, letters, etc. as reminders. 
• Cut out and post pictures, if that works for you.
• Track your progress: create checklists, charts, etc. Do what works.
• Find small ways to reward yourself along the way.  
• Tell others, who you trust, about your plan.  
• Meet with yourself weekly to plan exactly what next week’s action steps will be.

And, last and absolutely not least, do not let anyone, even those naysaying, nagging little voices we all carry around in our heads, talk you out of realizing your intention.

Okay, you are ready.  This is it!  2011. The year you get to say, ” I am ______________________”, and mean it, and to savor and relish your success. 

  

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”  (Emerson)

 

So how long will this take?  Hmm, Question #3, the big one. 

I am suggesting a formula used by life coach, author, and radio talk show host, David Essel. David developed and has successfully used the ”One Thing” theory with his clients for years along with a timeline he swears by, which I am going to share with you. (I have used it myself, so that is a double-dog vouch for it.)

The “20/5/90″ Formula

If you have selected a realistic intention that you truly care about and will radically impact your life; created a related atmosphere of gratitude; developed relevant, realistic, time-specific action steps, which you work on at least 20 minutes a day, 5 days a week, for 90 days – you will experience success.  

Studying after study shows that if the goal is important enough to us; if we are committed to achieving it; if we are specific in our plans, and if we create an environment that provides feedback – change will take place. (Click here for an easy to use tracking tool.)

That means if you start today, by ______ of 2011, (Please add 90 days to today’s date and write that down.) you will be reaping the rewards of starting an OTAT trend by setting and implementing one and only one New Year’s Resolution.

Take the OTAT plunge. You can do it!  Begin working on your goal today. 

If you want ongoing support as you go through the process, send me an email at wishfulthinkingworks@gmail with “OTAT” in the subject line and I will send you free monthly tips and updates.

If you have questions or would like to use life coaching to help you make changes in your life, email me, Patrice Koerper at wishfulthinkingworks@gmail.com or call me at  813-719-0769.

Great job! Can’t wait to hear about your success.