Revive your relationship this summer

I am enjoying “The Power of Moments” by Chip and Dan Heath this summer and love so many of their tips for personally and professionally enhancing your life. One of their free resources tips for spicing up your marriage or relationship is a fun one, and I thought this summer might be a great time to take advantage of their advice.

Art Aron had couples engage in a date a week for ten weeks. One group did a standard date. For example a couple that habitually went to dinner and a movie would have dinner and a movie. Another group did something different than what they would normally do. If they normally see romantic comedies, they might take in a horror film or an action/adventure. If they normally ate Italian, they might try Vietnamese. The biggest increase in marital satisfaction was among the novelty group.

Any type of change will be good for your hearts and souls, and you don’t have to commit to ten weeks to feel the benefits. Whenever you “Break the script.” by trying something new, you increase the odds of creating a memorable moment.

  • Pitch a tent or picnic in the backyard under a tree. If you are sightseeing, trade-in your shorts and tops for a great summer dress and you may become his favorite site!
  • Plan to watch the sunrise or set as part of your travels or from a special vantage point where you live. Add in some finger foods and a bit of bubbly or ice cold beer and sit, sip and savor the moment together.
  • Enjoy a staycation and treat yourselves to a nearby B & B or hotel with room service.  One of my sisters is still talking about the surprise trip her husband planned a year ago just an hour from their home. She loved it, and when she describes the details she’s still smiling inside and out. She had so much fun, she got me smiling about the memories and I wasn’t even there! (Thank you, Deb!)
    • If your hubby or significant other isn’t a planner, surprise him or her with something they would love and instead of keeping score over who has done what for whom, sit back, watch and truly absorb the fun they have enjoying your surprise. (If their response isn’t as positive or thankful as you had hoped, don’t let it get you down. Focus on the fun you had planning it and know that not everyone shows their excitement or appreciation as easily as others.)

The goal is to get started thinking of new and different ways to bring joy and memorable moments to your lives, all of which can strengthen the bond between you. Your options are endless, the choices are yours, and a cool summer evening or breezy sunny day will make every memory just a bit sweeter.

 

Are you ready to create the life your really want? Start today! 

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Instead of either/or

Do you have a hard time making decisions? When faced with two equally positive or negative options have you ever felt stuck?

Most of us at sometime in our lives have been paralyzed by the thought of having to choose between door one and door two. Here’s an idea that might help:

Instead of either/or, add one more

Huh? I know it sounds odd, and is counterintuitive, but it works . . .  

Instead of either/or, add one more!

The idea is not mine, but making it a cute little rhyme is. (And, as silly as the rhyme sounds, it’s more memorable, and I think it’s a line worth remembering.)

Instead of either/or, add one more.

Picture this, you’ve inherited a huge sum of money, never have to work again, and have been house hunting for months. You finally found two homes you love, and although they are very different each offers you a lifestyle you have always wanted. You can’t decide whether to go with the brownstone in Manhattan or the cattle ranch in Colorado and rich as you are, you can’t afford both. 

Or, you have two great job options, life coach in Florida or actress in Hollywood – naw, that one is way too easy, I’d choose being a life coach, anywhere! But, I digress.

I was recently reading brothers Chip and Dan Heath’s book “Made to Stick”, and their comments about the paradoxes of how we decide things, led me to come up with my little ditty:

Instead of either/or, add one more. 

The decision-making research they cited reveals the value of adding one more choice to an either/or mix. Adding “one more”, helps us prioritize, which makes it easier for us to recognize what we truly prefer. We tend to think that by making things black or white, or narrowing down our choices to just two – this or that, we are making things easier on ourselves, but the opposite may be true. It appears that is easier for us to choose, when we look at and compare three options rather than two.

EX: Brownstone in Manhattan, cattle ranch in Colorado, and beach house in Florida. Did the picture get any clearer for you, it did for me. 

  • Manhattan/Colorado/Florida

Comparing three options rather than two, changes the way we think, and may lead us to faster and even less regrettable decisions. (It’s easy to spend our lives regretting either/or decisions; I think comparing three options reduces the drama, which may in turn reduce lingering regrets.)

So what would you choose, brownstone, ranch, beach house? There are no wrong answers, pick what appeals most to you.

Try applying the rhyme this weekend if you are faced with any either/or dilemmas. It works well on big or little stuff.

My most immediate dilemma is, do I want coffee or tea? Adding one more, a Mimosa sounds good, it’s Friday, and the weekends begin early on the Southwest Coast of Florida . . .

I chose the coffee, adding the Mimosa sounded wonderful, but within seconds of adding the option I realized that a perfect cup of coffee was what I really wanted. 

PS “Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die” ” is a great book; I will be sharing more about it in future posts.

WTW Dandelion

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