Capturing the holiday moments that matter

The holidays are coming! The holidays are coming!

heart-picture-1075034__340No surprise there, but they do seem to appear earlier and earlier each year. A couple of years ago I was faced with new challenges centered on blending our ever-growing and combined family’s holiday expectations and traditions. My husband and I were excited to be spending our first holiday together as a newly married couple when we quickly realized that having five sons and their wonderful families in two far-flung states, could make the holidays more complicated than ever.

My first thought was panic, my second and more sensible thought, was rather than worrying about how we were going to share the holidays with our respective kids and grand kids – we have 12, going on 14 – I would first figure out what truly mattered to me during the holidays, and then trust the rest would fall into place.

I had recently read a positive psychology article on the correlation between what folks value individually and what nations value and how we track both, when a thought resurfaced for me – what we measure grows.

You see, that which we deem important enough to measure, i.e. pay attention to, tends to grow. Ta da!

If I fill my holiday with strife and worry and thoughts of who gathers when and where, I was doomed before I began. BUT if I focused on what really mattered to me, perhaps I could increase the likelihood that those things would increase, or at least that I might be more likely to notice and enjoy those moments when they did appear. 

It worked!  Knowing what mattered and focusing on that made our first and subsequent holiday seasons richer, more memorable and way more fun!

Measure what matters

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What do you want to celebrate throughout the holiday season? What are your personal beliefs and values related to the season? In simplest terms, what is most important to you? Family? Love? Togetherness? New Experiences? Tradition? Food? Fun? Religion?

I decided I want to pay more attention to love. I focused on and savored all the acts of love I saw – moments of tenderness and caring, gestures of kindness and sacrifices of any size made in honor and support of the holiday. I was so busy looking for love – that I ignored, or at least didn’t stew as long or as deeply about the less than stellar moments that occurred along the way.

 

How to make your season brighter

  1. Ask yourself what really matters to you. What do you want to hold in your heart this holiday season?
  2. Then capture every moment that matches what matters to you. Note and savor the moments as they occur.
  3. To reinforce your resolve and truly impact your holiday spirit, give yourself a helping hand by using at least one of the suggestions listed below:
    • Jot down your memorable moments in a journal. (You can start a special holiday journal, pack it way with the holiday decorations and have the fun of re-reading and adding to it each year.)
    • Write your moments on bits of paper and store them in a jar to read during or after the holiday. (The jar can be saved from year to year and enjoyed year- long or before next year’s holiday season.)
    • Write your moments on holiday-colored paper and create a paper chain throughout the holiday with all the moments you have enjoyed and want to remember.
    • Encourage your kids, spouses and even your guests to add their special holiday moments to your jar or chain and watch them grow along with everyone’s holiday spirit.
    • Take a few minutes each night before you go to bed or when you wake-up to review these special moments.
    • Or, simply put a penny in a jar or bowl to capture each moment and watch your “riches” grow.

Truth is, we are in control of the holidays ahead. I know it seems like things move way too fast, and that the gift lists, demands and commitments grow longer and greater each year, but in my case so has the love. And, the more I remind myself of that, the brighter my season shines.

Here’s to enjoying the holidays ahead!

Please note: This post has been updated from the original Wishful Thinking Works published in 2015.

 

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Tips for keeping your spirits bright

Ho! Ho! Ho!  For the past 5 years I have been sharing tips for making your holiday season as merry and bright as possible.

This year, I have complied a list of links to some of my favorite holiday survival posts just for you! Click away to revive your heart and soul and to create a richer, warmer holiday.snowflake-1823942_960_720

What do you want to hold in your heart this holiday season? How we think can affect our holiday much more than any of the gifts we give or receive.

Social Media Quick Holiday Pick-Me-Up  Easy ways to use social media to warm your heart.

A less stressed holiday season. Tune into what you really care about to create your best holiday season ever.

Christmas memories  Research shows reliving positive memories can be good for our hearts and minds. Don’t have any? No problem – I include tips on how to make that work for you, as well.

On the first day of Christmas . . .  Offers tips on how to survive a trip home and is based on the holiday musical classic!

Enjoy!  I will post a few more in the days ahead. Until then, happy holidays!

 

5 P’s for perfect holiday parties

Young Woman Holding Christmas Gifts

“Tis the season when holiday parties dot or engulf our calendars. While many are fun and festive, thinking about attending others may be adding to our holiday stress. 

Have you ever dreaded going to a family, office, or neighborhood holiday gathering?

Or, maybe you’ve worried that your own event might not turn out “right.”

You are not alone. Attending and hosting holiday gatherings is a big contributor to holiday stress; accepting and sending invitations can make us feel like jumping for joy or running to hide!  

Not to worry, my “5 P’s for Perfect Parties” can help you deal with any holiday happening woes.

“5 P’s for Perfect Parties”

1. PRIORITIZE

If you are dreading attending an event, not going may be a perfectly valid option. If your schedule is too full, and you need to prioritize time with family or you’re just not up to it, let the host or hostess know as far in advance as possible. Last minute cancellations, except for true emergencies, are a no-no and just add to everyone’s holiday stress.  If you can’t make it, after sending or calling with your regrets, send a short, but sweet email, FB message, note, or card as a follow-up, and then try to arrange to share time together after the holiday rush. The goal is to let them know you care, even though you can’t be there.

2. PREDICT BETTER

Thinking about a positive outcome – even for a few minutes, will make you happier than worrying about a negative outcome for weeks, days or hours in advance – predict success! Parties and life get better when we predict better. Take a minute or two and picture the party working out great. Picture yourself leaving the soiree thinking, “Wow, that wasn’t so bad. In fact, I had a great time.” or “OMG, that was wonderful.” Envision whatever works best for you; the more details you create, the better. If you’re hosting an event, and are nervous about how it will go, picture everyone complimenting your food, decorations, (or whatever you really want them to compliment) and telling you what a great time they are having.

3. PREPARE – CREATE PLAN B, C, D

If you fear the folks or the situation, giving yourself options in advance, will help you relax, and if you are creative with your “blanks”, may provide you with a few well-needed laughs. Come-up with what you will do if you do find yourself getting frustrated or bored. “When I start feeling ___________ (frustrated, angry, annoyed, impatient, bored, out-of-place, etc.) I will ___________ . Fill-in the blank with a series of workable options . . . Check on the kids; compliment someone; help with the food or dishes; play with the kids; walk the dog; ask about vacations or recipes; sneak a peek at presents; dance; sing; play the piano, or move to a new chair or room, making sure your exit is not too dramatic! Be sure to include some fun options that you would never or can’t do, but make you smile – standing on your head, releasing a protective shield, spinning like a top, floating above the guests –  get creative, have fun with it!

4. PAY ATTENTION

Shifting your attention from your worries to the eyes of others is a great way to focus on what really matters. When people are talking to you don’t worry about what you are going to say in response or look above their heads or around the room, simply notice their eyes. Take a second to really look into their eyes. This small, but meaningful gesture, will let them know you are really listening and will bring you fully into the moment, which can lift your mood and theirs. You’ll be amazed how relaxing and rewarding it will be. (Most of us think we are already doing this, but more often than not, our minds and our eyes are focused on something else.)

5. PUT OTHERS IN THE LIMELIGHT

Focusing on what you can learn about others can lead to rich conversations and connections. I use this strategy almost every time I attend a party where there will be lots of folks I don’t know or don’t know well. Although I’m an extrovert, I’m a closet introvert at parties. I’ve done PR and special events for years, and I’m completely comfortable in those realms, but for some reason small talk at social gatherings is often difficult for me.

I’ve learned to take a few minutes before going to a party to think of at least three things I have enjoyed learning about folks in the past. I love finding out what people like to do in their spare time, what they enjoy about their professions, where they grew-up, or where they like to go on vacation. Another favorite topic, especially with extended family members, is to ask about their favorite Christmas or how they celebrated the holidays as children. I always learn something new and interesting. Before you head to the party, remind yourself that if you feel nervous or self-conscious, you can always ask about  ________, __________, ___________. With those thoughts in mind, it will be easier to shine the light on others and to keep it shining as you ask follow-up questions about what they’ve shared. When we put others in the limelight, we are giving them a precious gift – listening. It’s a priceless gift, something everyone wants, and we can deliver it anywhere.

Each of the “5 P’s for Perfect Parties” is cost and calorie-free, and will enhance any event. The “5 P’s” work so well, because they put the emphasis on people not the party, which is a warm and wonderful way to celebrate the holidays.

P.S. This is an updated post from 2010. Since holiday happenings, happen each year, I thought I’d make this column an annual event, as well. Do you have tips that have worked well for you? If so please share them! We’d love to hear about your best holiday party experiences. 

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