Revive your relationship this summer

I am enjoying “The Power of Moments” by Chip and Dan Heath this summer and love so many of their tips for personally and professionally enhancing your life. One of their free resources tips for spicing up your marriage or relationship is a fun one, and I thought this summer might be a great time to take advantage of their advice.

Art Aron had couples engage in a date a week for ten weeks. One group did a standard date. For example a couple that habitually went to dinner and a movie would have dinner and a movie. Another group did something different than what they would normally do. If they normally see romantic comedies, they might take in a horror film or an action/adventure. If they normally ate Italian, they might try Vietnamese. The biggest increase in marital satisfaction was among the novelty group.

Any type of change will be good for your hearts and souls, and you don’t have to commit to ten weeks to feel the benefits. Whenever you “Break the script.” by trying something new, you increase the odds of creating a memorable moment.

  • Pitch a tent or picnic in the backyard under a tree. If you are sightseeing, trade-in your shorts and tops for a great summer dress and you may become his favorite site!
  • Plan to watch the sunrise or set as part of your travels or from a special vantage point where you live. Add in some finger foods and a bit of bubbly or ice cold beer and sit, sip and savor the moment together.
  • Enjoy a staycation and treat yourselves to a nearby B & B or hotel with room service.  One of my sisters is still talking about the surprise trip her husband planned a year ago just an hour from their home. She loved it, and when she describes the details she’s still smiling inside and out. She had so much fun, she got me smiling about the memories and I wasn’t even there! (Thank you, Deb!)
    • If your hubby or significant other isn’t a planner, surprise him or her with something they would love and instead of keeping score over who has done what for whom, sit back, watch and truly absorb the fun they have enjoying your surprise. (If their response isn’t as positive or thankful as you had hoped, don’t let it get you down. Focus on the fun you had planning it and know that not everyone shows their excitement or appreciation as easily as others.)

The goal is to get started thinking of new and different ways to bring joy and memorable moments to your lives, all of which can strengthen the bond between you. Your options are endless, the choices are yours, and a cool summer evening or breezy sunny day will make every memory just a bit sweeter.


Are you ready to create the life your really want? Start today! 

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7 time-tested summer reading adventures for your family

This is the last reading post of my Friday reading series for June. I hope you have enjoyed them all, and are already planning some summer reading adventures for your family . . .

Teachers all over America lament the fact that kids lose lots of learning over the summer months. Why not give your kids a jump-start on school this fall by creating summer reading adventures and warm family moments for all of you to enjoy?

The trick with summertime reading, is to make sure it is FUN!  

1. If you don’t already have one, get a book shelf, book basket or create a book corner somewhere in your house. Studies of lifelong readers note that books always had  a special place in their home as they were growing-up. Our kids catch on fast, if you have the good dishes or other prized possessions in a special place, and multiple TVs, laptops, and iPads  around – kids start thinking they are important to you. Why not help them create the same perception about books!

While my two sons were growing up, we had bookshelves and book baskets in our house.  When they were in high school I kept a bookshelf at the end of the hall by their bedrooms – it was in constant sight and provided easy access without my direct involvement. I kept it stocked with gently used paperbacks of the books from their annual school reading lists. When summer storms and boredom rolled in, they and their friends often slipped titles from those shelves. I learned to buy multiple copies of the same title, so their friends could grab a book, as well. (Reading is a tad more acceptable when your buddies are doing it, too.) Find a way to keep books front and center in your kids’ lives, and remember to adapt access to their age and stage.

2. Let your kids see you reading. Do you know the reading level of the Dad sets the overall interest level kids have in books? Read the newspaper or online sources, and then – this is key – talk about what you’ve read at dinner time or when you are in the car with your kids.

Start at least one conversation a day with “You know what I read today?”, “Guess what Aunt Debbie wrote on Facebook today.”, or “Guess what I learned on the Internet today.” Kids love to imitate their parents; before you know it yours will be sharing stories of their own. Subtle changes, may lead to big rewards.

3. Read in new and different places. Summer offers all sorts of exciting reading venues and opportunities – in a tent, in the yard, on the grass, or in a tree, in the pool or in a tube, by the river, in a boat, on a mountain, or on a goat, at sunrise or sunset, in Grandma’s lap or on a jet, in the rain or under the stars, and of course, as always, in a car. Ask your kids to come-up with new and unusual places to read a book, and then do it together. (Sorry about the rhyme, I couldn’t resist.)

4. Take books on vacation. Make a big deal about packing the books, by giving each child a special book bag or backpack. Let them select the books they want to bring, and then make sure to pack a few surprises in case they run through theirs quickly. (If possible, match them to what you will be doing or bring along imagination builders like mysteries or fantasies. )

Bring magazines or comic books along,  matching titles to your kids interests. Magazines or comic books are a great way to segue way non or reluctant-readers into books. If they’ll be watching movies on the road, try to get books of the same title or related to the film’s theme.

Let your kids navigate and/or read brochures or online articles about where you will be going, and incorporate at least one of their choices. One of the best road trips I ever took, was with my then 8 and 9 year-old sons – their Dad had just started a new job and could not make it to his family’s reunion. My older son road shotgun and navigated the entire trip using a map and Trip Tik. (Pre-GPS and MapQuest, Trip-Tiks were the way to go!) His younger brother kept use entertained by reading jokes all the way from Fort Myers, Florida to Norfolk, Virginia.

5. Read-aloud lots to your kids this summer! The biggest reading mistake parents make is to stop reading to their kids when their kids start reading! Children need reading practice, so letting them read to you is essential, but when you stop reading to them, you reduce their opportunity for vocabulary growth and content understanding. You see, by keeping the words and stories you read to them on a higher level than what they can read, you are exposing them to more and larger words and to more complex plots and themes.

While they are reading beginner-readers books to you, you can be reading more advanced picture books and simple chapter books to them. When they conquer those, you can read longer, more complex chapter books to them. My husband read “The Chronicles of Narnia” to our boys when they were 7 and 8, and they loved it. Not long after, he shared “The Hobbit” and the “Lord of the Rings Tribolog.”with them.

 Don’t underestimate the listening level of your children. If they do seem bored or distracted, move on to something else – remember this is all about having fun.

6. The long hot days of summer are the perfect for introducing your kids to series books, either by reading them aloud, or by allowing them to enjoy on their own. It’s also a great time to share your childhood favorites with them. What were you reading when you were their ages?

If they don’t find your childhood choices as interesting as you did, you can spend time telling them stories about your summer vacations – you know, from way back when. Most of us still remember a tale or two our parents or older relatives shared with us.  Take time to make an impression on them, tell your tale with lots of details and memory-making gusto. Someday, they may repeat it to their kids, and for now, it helps their attention spans, and ability to follow plot lines and the twists and turns they present.

7. Keep it light! The goal is to have fun with it. These ideas are designed to work when the mood and intensity are low-key. If one idea or another doesn’t succeed, try, try again, but do so in an easy off-hand way. Don’t feel both parents have to be involved, but if they both jump on the summer reading band wagon, all the better.

We as parents have a tendency to overdo things. We are all guilty, at one time or another, of over booking ourselves and our kids. Don’t let this summer be yet another over-scheduled season. Your kids want to spend time with you more than just about anything else you have planned, I guarantee it. Your attention is much more important than what you are doing.  (Of course, if they are heading into middle or high school, you have to fine-tune your parenting radar to know exactly when and where they want you to invade their space!)

Years ago, when my sister and her family were returning home after their first summer vacation in Florida, my sister asked her two children what they enjoyed most. They responded that the time we all spent together watching  dolphins in the Gulf and feeling sand dollars in the water with our toes were tops with them – which meant that the five very expensive days at a major theme park, came in at least third. That’s not to say that activity wasn’t fun, too, it was, but it didn’t  match the fun of an un-orchestrated laid back moment.

Take some time this summer to make reading a rewarding, memory-making experience for your kids. I will never forget the joy and sense of adventure and possibility I felt as I read one of my many Nancy Drew mysteries while lying in my Dad’s old army hammock hung between two sky-high, straight-trunked hickory nut trees in our backyard.

Reach Out and Read


I’ve dedicated each Friday in June to sharing summer reading adventures for you and the children you care about. I know it is a little different topic for Wishful Thinking Works, but reading to kids can change their lives and can be a rewarding part of creating the life you want! Spending time reading to a child cuddled in your lap is a great bonding experience, sure-fire happiness inducer, and can be a great stress reducer, too.

Today’s reading updates are from the Reach Out and Read web site. Reach Out and Read is a fantastic not-for-profit organization involving pediatricians, who prescribe reading aloud to parents during their children’s 6-month to 5-year well-visits. The program and its partners provide free books for children to help them develop healthy reading habits. I was lucky enough to partner with Reach Out and Read as one of my public relations projects. I have seen firsthand the joy and excitement reading brings to even the youngest children, and teachers across the country attest to its positive impact on school readiness.
Here is why reading to young children is so important:
  • Children who live in print-rich environments and who are read to during the first years of life are much more likely to learn to read on schedule.
  • Reading aloud to young children is not only one of the best activities to stimulate language and cognitive skills; it also builds motivation, curiosity, and memory.
  • Early language skills, the foundation for reading ability and school readiness, are based primarily on language exposure – resulting from parents and other adults talking to young children.
  • Research shows that the more words parents use when speaking to an 8-month-old infant, the greater the size of their child’s vocabulary at age 3. The landmark Hart-Risley study on language development documented that children from low-income families hear as many as 30 million fewer words than their more affluent peers before the age of 4.
  • Books contain many words that children are unlikely to encounter frequently in spoken language. Children’s books actually contain 50% more rare words than primetime television or even college students conversations.
  • The nurturing and one-on-one attention from parents during reading aloud encourages children to form a positive association with books and reading later in life.”

As you head out on your summer vacation or look forward to spending long and lazy days around the house, make books and reading part of the fun! Summer is a great time to share books about farms and gardens and how things grow, about turtle and frogs and other slimy things to know!  Quacking ducks and mooing cows are a huge hit with the under 5 crowd and don’t forget, board books are made for viewing and chewing!

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