Queen for a day

Or a lifetime . . .

queen

Check out my “Courage Diet”

It is free and easy to use, and can move you in the direction of your dreams!

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Stepping in and out of your comfort zone

queen of the worldWishful Thinking leads to growth and change, which usually involves a level of risk, and taking risks requires courage.  My initial reaction to taking risks usually involves fear, which usually leads to procrastination.

Sound familiar?

If so, keep reading . . . I have learned to use a series of activities to increase my courage and face my fears.

The idea of combining the steps into a diet came to me after reading the book “The Joy Diet” by life coach and Oprah magazine columnist, Martha Beck. I read “The Joy Diet” about 10 years ago, and immediately started using it to create more joy in my life.

Beck lists “Taking Risks” as the fifth step of her ten-step plan for finding joy.

She encourages us to take risks that make sense and are oriented in the direction we want to go. She has one warning: the risk must be scary. (That part was easy for me!)

I hope “My Courage Diet” helps and encourages you, as much as it has guided and supported me.

To get started, all you need is a pen, a piece of paper, and the wish to change your life, even just a little.

My Courage Diet

Step 1 

Begin by writing a list of all the brave or difficult-to-accomplish things you have done.

List every single challenge you have faced and every fear you have conquered. Remember, there was a time when tying your shoe, passing your driver’s test, and getting your first kiss, date, degree or job – seemed very, very scary. 

Try not to think, just write. Set a timer for 15 minutes – writing and creating a deadline are essential parts of the process.

Then reread your list; fill-in any blanks; round-out the details and add any other brave acts that come to mind.  (You can keep adding to the list forever!)

Each day, pick one item on the list to review and revisit. Take a minute to fully picture the scene and to feel the memories and sensations it brings. Remember how good it felt to face, achieve or complete the item . . .

Sixty seconds of reminiscing can bring you a flush of positive feelings and a nice boost of courage. (This part is really important so, please do it even if it seems silly.)

Step 2 

Think of the music that gets you going and in a great mood.

For me “Eye of the Tiger” is a sure winner no matter what I am trying to conquer (no laughing, please). Kool and the Gang’s “Celebration” (no snickering, either) and Kenny Loggins’ “This is It” got me through my undergrad degree; Alaniss Morisette and Tina Turner kept me focused through relationship upheavals; classical music helped me with my Masters and Joe Cocker, Aretha Franklin and Iron & Wine’s “The Trapeze Swinger” kept me company in the Peace Corps.

It’s your pick, your list, your music.

Now, put the music in a format that is easy to access and then, listen to it! Once, twice, three times a day – at home, in the car, running, walking, whatever it takes to keep you feeling motivated.

Step 3

sidewalk-657906_640Create a list of movies that have inspired you. Select movies based on real people, who have faced overwhelming challenges. People, who have stepped in and out of their comfort zones, and achieved their dreams.

“Rudy”, “Rocket Boys/October Sky”, “Cinderella Man”, “The Greatest Game Ever Played” and “Julie & Julia” are some of my favorites. I’ll also add “Tin Cup” to the list, it is not in my top 10, but there are some scenes I adore. (Remember all of this is up to you, it’s your choice. Be honest about what you love.)

Carve out time to watch these movies.

If you are short on movie-watching time go online to the Internet Movie Database or to the official site of the movie, or see if the movie’s trailer is on YouTube.

If you already love a movie, reading about it or watching the trailer will bring all the good feelings associated with it back to you. Or, simple, replay the film in your mind, remembering the scenes, music, and characters that made it special to you.

If you cannot think of a single inspiring movie, go to the American Film Institute’s “100 Years 100 Cheers” web site and download their list of the 100 most inspiring movies. Keep watching until you feel energized and inspired.

You can also watch free, short inspirational videos here. This is one of my favorites, because it includes “Eye of the Tiger”.

Step 4

Make a list of books or stories that have inspired you. Include your childhood favorites. 

Read them again. If you are crunched for time, read the first and last chapters or your favorite passages, or even an online summary. It only takes a few minutes or a quick glance to bring back the memories and the meaning they held for you. (Your brain is an amazing, high-tech, personalized support tool. You have primed it with good thoughts, which it will automatically release when you take a moment or two  to reconnect with the moments and memories you love. Don’t let this gold mine of goodness sit idle, unearth the buried treasures that motivate and inspire you.)

recycle-619067_640Step 5

Repeat diet steps 1-4, as necessary. Repetition does not imply defeat or failure in any way; rather it reveals bravery and resiliency. When we rewind and recycle what has worked for us in the past, we are showing a high level of emotional competency, and it’s a great way for us to face new or stressful choices and challenges.

Step 6

Please add anything you want to the diet or change it in any way that gets you ready to take on the world. 

It is your courage diet now; go for it!     

WTW Dandelion

Wishful Thinking Works Life Coaching

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(I posted the original version of “My Courage Diet” on Wishful Thinking Works in 2010 – it works!) 

A little bit of courage goes a long way . . .

Overcome

You can do it! Whatever your “it” is. Click photo for My Free Courage Diet.

Use the best of 2013 to create an even better 2014!

Patrice Koerper  Life Coach Wishful New Year 2014Be proud of what you’ve accomplished or created in 2013 – change, big or small, matters. Here’s how to capture the best of 2013 and use it to create a wonderful 2014.

  1. Take time to jot own the memorable moments of 2013 (or your life) – the moments that touched you, excited you, inspired you, delighted you or made you feel happy and proud.
  2. Write anything that comes to mind; don’t censor yourself.  (Using a Mind Map might help you get started. There are lots of other free resources here that might get you in the mood, as well.)
  3. Then write about what made them special to you. (This is the step most folks skip, don’t! It will make all the difference. Take all the time you need. If you feel like writing a page, do it.)
  4. Note how you felt, which may be even more important than what you did. You may not be able to recreate the events, but identifying and savoring how you felt can help you focus on what you want more of in your life.
  5. Add to your list or create new Mind Maps in the days and weeks ahead. Don’t worry that the year is already underway; there is always time for change.
  6. Be honest, don’t write what you think should have made you happy or proud, just what truly did.
  7. Use the moments you note and the emotions you felt to help you design the life you really want.
  8. How do you want to feel in 2014? What do you want your life to look and feel like?
  9. Use what you have discovered to guide you through the New Year.
  10. Start now!

Below is some of what happened on Wishful Thinking Works in 2013! Click on the photo or link below to find out more. Woo hoo!

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 24,000 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 9 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

I Am Malala

Each year around Anne Frank’s birthday in June, I write about her honesty, her insight, her bravery, and the impact of her words.

MalalaI now have another young female hero, Malala Yousafzai. Please know that no matter what words I use to describe Malala, her actions, or the impact they have had on the world and my heart, my words will never fully portray how listening to her made me feel.

Malala’s quest for education for girls in Pakistan and her bravery in pursuing her quest against the actions of the Taliban culminated in her being brutally shot in the head and neck by a member of the Taliban while returning home on a school bus. She was 14. Two other girls were also seriously wounded in the attack.

Malala’s interview with Jon Stewart made me feel proud of humanity, embarrassed about the opportunities I have ignored throughout my life to speak up at all costs on issues I care about, and joyful that Malala is on this earth and remains so to inspire us. Again, my words are a poor substitute for how she made me feel.

I plan to read her book, “I Am Malala” and to listen to this and other interviews again and again. Her story is not just about the actions of the Taliban or living in Pakistan, but rather it is about any group, government, or individual who denies others the right to think for themselves or to be physically and intellectually free.

When you listen to Malala and hear the joy she carries with her – despite everything she has faced – please let her joy be a reminder that happiness is always a choice.

There are many articles about Malala on the Internet, the information below is from Wikipedia:

Malala Yousafzai (Pashto: ملاله یوسفزۍ‎ [mə ˈlaː lə . ju səf ˈzəj];[1] Urdu: ملالہ یوسف زئی‎ Malālah Yūsafzay, born 12 July 1997)[2] is a Pakistani school pupil and education activist from the town of Mingora in the Swat District of Pakistan’s northwestern Khyber Pakhtunkhwa province. She is known for her activism for rights to education and for women, especially in the Swat Valley, where the Taliban had at times banned girls from attending school. In early 2009, at the age of 11–12, Yousafzai wrote a blog under a pseudonym for the BBC detailing her life under Taliban rule, their attempts to take control of the valley, and her views on promoting education for girls. The following summer, a New York Times documentary was filmed about her life as the Pakistani military intervened in the region, culminating in the Second Battle of Swat. Yousafzai rose in prominence, giving interviews in print and on television, and she was nominated for the International Children’s Peace Prize by South African activist Desmond Tutu.
On 9 October 2012, Yousafzai was shot in the head and neck in an assassination attempt by Taliban gunmen while returning home on a school bus. In the days immediately following the attack, she remained unconscious and in critical condition, but later her condition improved enough for her to be sent to the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Birmingham, England for intensive rehabilitation. On 12 October, a group of 50 Islamic clerics in Pakistan issued a fatwā against those who tried to kill her, but the Taliban reiterated its intent to kill Yousafzai and her father.
The assassination attempt sparked a national and international outpouring of support for Yousafzai. Deutsche Welle wrote in January 2013 that Malala may have become “the most famous teenager in the world.”[3] United Nations Special Envoy for Global Education Gordon Brown launched a UN petition in Yousafzai’s name, using the slogan “I am Malala” and demanding that all children worldwide be in school by the end of 2015 – a petition which helped lead to the ratification of Pakistan’s first Right to Education Bill.[4] In the 29 April 2013 issue of Time magazine, Yousafzai was featured on the magazine’s front cover and as one of “The 100 Most Influential People in the World”. She was the winner of Pakistan’s first National Youth Peace Prize and was nominated for the 2013 Nobel Peace Prize (although Malala was widely tipped to win the prize,[5] it was awarded to the Organisation for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons). On 12 July 2013, Yousafzai spoke at the UN to call for worldwide access to education, and in September 2013 she officially opened the Library of Birmingham.[6] Yousafzai is the recipient of the Sakharov Prize for 2013. Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malala_Yousafzai

The actions and words of thousands of brave individuals have changed our world for the better. I believe their stories can inspire us change our worlds and to create the life we really want. The key is to figure out what matters most to you and focus on that, which takes grit.

We’ll be talking more about grit in next week’s post. Until then, I hope you can find some time to listen to Malala.

That’s it for now, have a great week.

No need to take unnecessary baggage with you into the New Year!

Forgiveness is not about condoning a behavior, but rather letting go of the hurt or anger we are feeling about it.

2013 is right around the corner and as with any New Year, there will be  things ahead we can’t control, but forgiveness is not one of them. We are in complete control of who we forgive and when. Why not spend the next few days, exploring your feelings and options, so you enter the New Year with a fuller heart and a lighter load?

It’s not easy to forgive, but study after study shows the benefits to our physical and emotional well-being are more than worth the effort.  Forgiving reduces stress and enhances our health and our happiness and fulfillment levels.

Here are some steps to get you started.

  1. IDENTIFY – Start by admitting – to yourself, not others – that you are upset, frustrated, angry or hurt. Identify your emotions.
  2. EXPLORE – Figure out why. This step isn’t about what they did or said; it’s about why it is upsetting to you. (And, remember sometimes the first person we need to forgive is ourselves.)
    • Why does it hurt? How does it hurt?
    • What do you think it means? Is there a connection between what the person did or said, and a belief you have about yourself? (Sometimes the actions of others can trigger a fear – real or imagined that we have.)
    • Write, draw or mind-map your way through this step. Jot down your thoughts or journal; draw pictures or symbols; or brainstorm your way to clarity. Try them all, and then do what works for you.
    • Don’t feel you have to get to the bottom of your emotions in one sitting, be willing to come back to your notes or drawings, again and again. It can take days, weeks or months, don’t rush it. And, you may end-up having to forgive more than one person.
    • Promise yourself not to think or worry about these feelings, unless you are seated and actively writing or drawing them out. This will cut-down on your stress and keep you focused on honestly exploring your feelings.
  3. WRITE A LETTER – Once, you have a better understanding of what you are feeling; write a letter –BUT, DO NOT SEND IT – to the person you are trying to forgive, even if that person is you! You can use as many details as you like, but make sure you include the feelings associated with them, as well. Explain what they did that hurt you, why, and why you are forgiving them.
  4. VISUALIZE – Now, visualize yourself having forgiven the person. How does it feel? How does your forgiveness look? Try to imagine how you want to feel when you are with them. Picture how you will be thinking and acting around them; revisiting a memory when you liked being with them in the past can help. Or, if you have chosen not to be around them, fill your visualizations with how this will make your life better, as well.
  5. REPEAT – these steps as needed. As many times, as needed!

Forgiveness takes courage. We not only have to be brave enough to explore our innermost thoughts and feelings, we also have to trust that we can forgive and that we can deal with this situation and any others that might arise in the future. Make sure you congratulate and treat yourself to something special for being brave enough to forgive! Also feel free to tell a friend you trust that you are very proud of yourself – no details – just that you did something you weren’t sure you could do, and you are happy about it!

PS The “forgive” drawing is from helobiae, another great WordPress blog!

Wishful Thinking Ways #14

Wishful Thinking Ways

Today is the last post in our Wishful Thinking Ways series. For 14 weeks we’ve been meeting on Fridays to find new ways to create the lives we really want and to zero in on one very specific change in 2012. I hope you’ve enjoyed the series!

Today, I will be explaining a formula, which will help you achieve the change you want in your life. Before we begin, if you haven’t already, please complete the free Wishful Thinking Ways “Change Circle” sheet. Then jump on the Wishful Thinking Works Real Deal Change Wheel, which is a great way to get off the Ferris Wheel of Denial we sometimes ride when we go round and round instead of forward in our lives by telling ourselves why a particular change is not possible. Completing the Wishful Thinking Works Real Deal Change Wheel can get you started in the right direction. If you are new to the Wishful Thinking Ways series, click here.

“20/5/90 Formula”

I’m a believer in life coach and author David Essel’s “20/5/90 Formula”, because it works! It’s an easy to use method to create change in your life. All you have to do is create weekly, time-specific, realistic action steps, which you then work on at least 20 minutes a day, 5 days a week, for 90 days!

Each Sunday night, or other consistent day of your choosing, layout the time-specific, realistic action steps that you will do for the next 5 days, 20 minutes a day. As an example, let’s say your goal is to exercise more. On your chosen day, write how you will move toward that goal over the next 5 days. Lead with the reason you have chosen that goal, and write the sentence as though you’ve already achieved it.

“I’m excited that I’m living a healthier lifestyle and as part of my goal I will exercise 20 minutes a day for the next 5 days. I will wake-up early each day and so I have time to exercise from 6 to 6:20 a.m. I will keep my exercise clothes and shoes next to the bed to make it easier for me to get up and going.”

    1. On Monday I will walk outside (or on treadmill) from 6 – 6:20 a.m.
    2. On Tuesday I will work out at home with my __ pound weights for 20 minutes. I will do ___ sets of _____________ for my arms and ____ sets of __________ to strengthen my back. I will also do _____ sets of ____________ for my legs, etc.
    3. On Wednesday I will walk outside from 6 – 6:20 a.m.
    4. On Tuesday I will work out at home with my __ pound weights for 20 minutes. I will do ___ sets of _____________ for my arms and ____ sets of __________ for my legs, etc.
    5. On Friday I will walk outside from 6 – 6:20 a.m.

The goal, of course, is to create weekly time-specific, realistic action steps that are right for your change. Gear the time-specific, realistic action steps to your change goal – getting a new job, starting back to school, opening a business, etc. The “20/5/90 Formula” works for everything.

The key is taking time to write a plan each week. Once you begin holding yourself accountable, change becomes easier. As you achieve each day’s step, remember to savor your success, which can make you feel more confident and motivate you to keep moving forward. And, even if you are following the same steps each week, write them down as if they are new each week. Writing is part of the commitment process.

You can do this. You can absolutely create the changes you want in your life.

20 minutes a day, 5 days a week for the next 90 days, is not a huge amount of time and the results can be amazing.

Before too long, you might find yourself committing more time each day to your goals, that’s great, little successes build to big successes by increasing our confidence, congruence and stamina.

Special Tip

I believe it is better to allocate more time per day, than more days per week to your goal and here’s why. If you start doing your time-specific action steps 7 days a week, the odds increase that you might miss a day. Once you miss a day, it’s too easy to fall into a pattern of beating-up on yourself.

 “Man I missed a day, I said I wouldn’t and I did, I never finish anything, I’m lousy at this, why do I even try?”

Any version of a negative thought pattern can easily lead you to throw in the towel on your change process – in fact, it is a very common way to sabotage yourself.

“I didn’t ________________so I must be ___________________.” (Insert any negative term or phrase.) “This is too hard. I will never change. I don’t deserve to do better.”(Your version may sound different, but I think you get the idea.)

While using the “20/5/90 Formula”, do not under any circumstances allow yourself to use a missed day or a shortened time frame from a day to build a case for failure. Okay? You’ve been warned, missing a day is bound to happen, so I suggest creating a support statement to tell yourself, if or when you skip or shorten a day’s assigned activity. I call this your “Getting back on the horse” statement. Make your statement supportive, kind, and energizing.

“I didn’t do ____________, but that doesn’t mean I have to throw in the towel. I really do want change and I’m good at it. I’ve changed and achieved lots of other things in my life. So, even though I missed a day, I’m going to keep going and keep moving forward. I feel great when I do what I say I’m going to do and I really do want to change, so I am going to keep going.”

My example is long, but I wanted to make sure you get a feel for how to write your “Getting back on the horse” statement. As always, use your words, fill in any blanks and go for it. You can do it.

Study after study shows that if our goal is important enough to us; if we are committed to achieving it; if we are specific in our plans, and if we create an environment that provides feedback – change will take place. (“The getting back on the horse” statement is a form of support as is working with a partner on your goal.)

Let’s Do It

If you start on Sunday, April 1 by Friday, June 29, 2012 your change will be a part of your life. No fooling! June 29 might sound far away at the moment, but here’s the thing – June 29 will be here no matter if you change or not, but a new you is guaranteed to be there to greet it, if you follow the “20/5/90 Formula”.  Do you want to find the same old you on June 29 or do you want to meet the new and improved, confident and congruent you?

The choice is yours. I can’t wait to hear about your success!

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